Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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