We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
