That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
