Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
