id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I intend to get homeless drunk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
