I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
