this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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