i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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