I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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