I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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