I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
