My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So many bounce houses so little time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
