Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
NoShamevember. You game?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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