So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
