I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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