we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
