My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
