Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Randomize
