i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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