I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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