I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
