Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
