this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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