If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You may now shotgun with the bride
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
