somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
