no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
