Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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