who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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