i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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