You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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