sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
