I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
