She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need to stop coming to work sober
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
