he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
