More tranny stories later!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
