ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize