Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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