8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
