I'm gonna have a badass scar
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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