I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
