My room smells like vodka and shame
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
