Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
