Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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