Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
