He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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