Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
