i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
