umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
