i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
