I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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