I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
